Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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