Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
