guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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