well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
