Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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