I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
