y did u give ur computer a hand job?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
