I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
