i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize