Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
