god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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