these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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