So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
