I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
