went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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