you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
