Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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