you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
