he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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