I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
