You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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