Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
