Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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