I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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