Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
