you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
