Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
