Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
