How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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