Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
