Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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