I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
