Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
