She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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