Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize