never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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