They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
