I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
