This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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