You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
