He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
