im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
