I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
