it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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