Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
