I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
