I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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