You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
