needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
