Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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