and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
