I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
