yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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