I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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