He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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