speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
