i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
