well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
