i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
