Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize