I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
