after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
