with your own penis?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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